The Need To Be Right

Wow...I'm writing a second blog, in the same say, within less than 2 hours of eachother. This has to be somekind of record. I AM AWESOME! No, just kidding. But seriously, I can't believe I am doing this, but something else has entered my skull...and instead of holding onto it for a couple of days with lack of sleep (yes...thinking about blogs can affect my sleep...sad isn't it?), I figured I'd write it down now.
I always seem to find myself in conversations, both on facebook and in person, with people over spiritual matters. Sometimes I will enter a conversation that I don't agree with, just to put my two cents in and stir the pot a little bit. Sometimes, a topic will be discussed that I feel really strongly about, and feel the need to say my part. Other times, I will just haphazardly walk into one, not knowing how I got there at all. I've always been this way. I love discussions, and getting into arguments about theological truths. But, I've just realized, that one of the reasons why I do it isn't because I feel called by God to enter the argument...it's because I want people to agree with me. I want people to think that I am smart, funny, religious. I want to change people's minds based solely on what I say, and what arguments I have. I have come to realize that, while I enjoy discussion, I enjoy it more when I'm the one on the attack. I recently entered a facebook conversation with a friend and like 50 people I don't know...and all of them had a different opinion than me. I felt defensive, and din't enjoy it at all. I still felt that my position was correct, but couldn't convince anyone to agree with me. And it frustrated the hell out of me (pardon my use of the "h" word). But really, aren't we all like that at some point? Deep down, we have this desire to be liked, to be agreed with. (It's ok...you can disagree if you like). One of my biggest pet peeves, is when I love a movie, and I tell others about it, and they don't like it as much...or even worse, they hate it. It makes me so mad. And why does it? Cause I want to be responsible for them discovering something great. I want them to see that movie and think "Wow, Keith has great taste".
I need to work on being more humble. I have to be ok with people disagreeing with me, arguing AGAINST me. I need to realize that, just because someone has a differing opinion than me, it doesn't make them the enemy..and when they challenge me, it's not a personal attack on my character (Unless they are actually attacking my character). I need to stand my ground, and stand up for what I believe in, but not to make myself great. I need to humble myself. Cast aside everything that would cause me to boast. I need to be ok with being wrong every once in a while. Step down off of my high horse, pack up my soapbox, and just leave things alone. It's not my job to change peoples perspective, opinions, or beliefs. That's God's job. He may use me for this purpose, or he may not. He may even use the other person to change MY beliefs, opinions and perspectives....and that is really tough for me to accept.