Fmylife

A While ago, I bought a book called "Fmylife". Yes...the "F" stands for exactly what you think. The book is a collection of very short anecdotes about crapy things that happened to people. I'm not going to lie, it's a freakin hilarious book. To be honest, while I was reading through it at HMV, I was literally convulsing at moments, trying to contain my laughter and to not cause people to stare at me (because having a 23 year old shaking and crying tears of joy wasn't distracting at all). Now, I'm also not going to lie and say that the book is full of appropriate material that everyone can read, and is fun for the whole family. There is a lot of content that is...sketchy, to say the least. However, I am going to share some of my favourite clean stories, and perhaps edit a few of the sketchier ones. I hope it makes you laugh a little bit...and then I will finish this blog off with some spiritual relevance, I promise. So...here we go:

1) "Today, I was at work at the grocery store, and a woman pulled a cart toward me filled with chips, breads, lunch meats, and sodas. I said 'looks like your going to have a fun party', she replied 'my mother just died. This is for after the funeral'"-fmylife

2) "Today I was walking through a bookstore with my girlfriend when we passed a stand selling Girl Scout cookies. I saw a box of my favourite kind, so I pointed at them and shouted 'Yeah!'. My girlfriend looked shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a nine-year-old scout bending over with her bottom pointed at me"-fmylife

3) "Today at a rehersal, a friend poked me and said, 'my mother is in the orchestra. Guess who she is' I jokingly answered, 'the fat singer?'...it was"-fmylife

4) "Today I was at an interview for a music school. When I got my guitar out of it's case, I realized that my friends thought it would be funny to replace my real guitar with one from Guitar Hero"-fmylife

5) "Today I went to the gym to get into shape. I pulled a muscle while taking off my sweater in the locker room"-fmylife

6) "Today my anatomy teacher was putting together a skeleton model for class. A leg bone was missing, so I jokingly said 'what's the matter, lose a leg?'. Unfortunately there is nothing funy about asking that question to a guy who's had a leg amputated"-fmylife

7) "Today my crush talked to me for the first time. He told me to stop staring"-fmylife

8) "Today I fell asleep in drivers ed, and woke up in the middle of a dream, laughing. Everyone was staring at me. I found out that my teacher had just told a story about his niece who didn't wear a seatbelt and is now brain-dead"-fmylife

9) "Today, while at work, a kid of about 5 was having trouble zipping his jacket". When I reached to help him, he started screaming 'No, bad touch! bad touch' and kicked me in the knee. Everyone looked"-fmylife

10) "Today in the middle of a date, I went to rest my chin on my hand, missed, and stuck the straw from my drink straight up my nose. My nose bled all over the table. He hasn't called me since"-fmylife

11) "Today I got a Save the Date card for the wedding of a couple my husband knows. I emailed the bride back saying 'I got your S.T.D.', and hit send before I realized how that sounded"-fmylife

12) "Today my parents met my boyfriends parents for the first time...bailing us out of jail"-fmylife

13) "Today, my professor, who was born without arms, asked somebody 'Need a hand?'...there are over 300 students in the class, and I was the only one laughing"-fmylife

14) "Today I got 31% on a chinese test at school. I moved here to New Jersey from Beijing 2 months ago"-fmylife

15) "Today, in front of 20 guests, I yelled at my husband for not coming to blow out his birthday candles. It turned out that he was in the other room, quitely changing his disabled friends adult diaper"-fmylife

16) "Today for the first time every, I met someone with the same name as me. I'm 20...he's 97"-fmylife

17) "Today my boss asked me, 'Can I give you some constructive criticism?', I said sure. He said 'your work is [crap], you have no talent and i can't figure out why I hired you"-fmylife

18) "Today I found a bone in my sandwich. It was a veggie burger"-fmylife

19) "Today I walked into the kitchen and accidently broke my mothers vase. I said 'Acciden't happen', to which she replied, 'Yeah. Like your birth'"-fmylife

20) "Today I told my dad that I was going to get some beauty sleep. He said, 'see you in a decade'"-fmylife

21) "Today, at a strategy meeting, my manager displayed a flow chart of his employess. I wasn't included. Turns out I had been fired, and they forgot to tell me"-fmylife

22) "Today, while shaving, I cut myself. With the blade protector"-fmylife

23) "Today I made fun of my friend when she tripped over a curb. I said loudly, 'haha, you can't even walk'. Then I noticed the man in the wheelchair a few feet ahead of us"-fmylife

24) "Today I asked my boss for a raise. He responded by saying, 'Who the hell are you?'"-fmylife

and finally...
25) "Today I met a really attractive guy, who introduced himself as Wyan. He was really cool and sweet, and we got along pretty well. Later someone told me that his name is Ryan and that he has a speech impediment. Througout the conversation I had been referring to him as Wyan"-fmylife.

So, you are likely wondering...what is the point? Why list 25 embarrassing stories? Well, to be perfectly honest, we have all been in similar type situations. Ok...maybe not those exact type situations, but we have all done embarrasing things, humiliated ourselves and put our foot in our mouths. We have all had days that made us feel like our lives our pointless. Worthless. We have all thought that nobody could possibly have a worse life than we do. Well...it's not true. No matter how bad our lives get, or how humiliating a day we have...someone, somewhere has it worse. Life can throw curveballs. Life can be unpredictable, and devastating...but life goes on. The embarrasing situation you had the other day, will be forgotten by everyone eventually. Will you let it go? Will you move on from it? When you focus on your mistakes, on your embarrasments, you can't truly enjoy life. When you are focused so much on not humiliating yourself, you can't truly live. Life is full of embarrasing, humiliating situations. Stop dwelling on them. Life will get better. Life will go on. Enjoy life. Have fun. Your life isn't over because of one mistake, or one humiliating moment. Laugh it off and move on.